Spouse battering is a social issue that has been around for years and years. It can happen to anyone regardless of who you are. It is defined as someone causing abuse, physical and emotional, to an adult or child through behaviors in which to gain control over another. This includes partners who are married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian: living together, separated, or dating. Abuse on the other hand is defined as intentionally or recklessly causing, or attempting to cause bodily injury, as well as treating a person with cruelty and/or violence. Abuse can be physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual.
Physical abuse is when physical force is used against some ones right and it injures or endangers that individual. Sexual abuse is a form if physical abuse. This is when a person is forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activities. Even if your spouse or intimate partner forces sexual relations, this is an act of aggression and violence. Signs of abuse and some control tactics include jealousy, isolation, threats and intimidation, economical abuse, self-esteem diminishment, general control, obsessive intrusions, and passive-aggressiveness/withdrawal. The most obvious sign of being in an abusive relationship is fear of your partner.
You don’t have to be physically assaulted to be a victim of abuse. Not all abusive relationships involve violent behavior. Both men and women suffer from emotional abuse. Emotional abuse (also know as psychological abuse) involves verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shame. It is overlooked and minimized more so than it is not. It is even overlooked by a person experiencing it first hand because they aren’t aware it is considered abuse. Just because it isn’t physical, that doesn’t mean that emotional abuse is less destructive. For those in emotionally abusive relationships, they may experience the feeling of diminished self-worth and independence. They’ll feel like there is no way out of their relationship as well as feeling like they’ll have nothing without their abusive partner. Emotionally, the scars can run much deeper than those from physically abusive relationships. In which, they both are extremely damaging and dangerous.
There seems to be a cycle or pattern that domestic violence falls into. This pattern is made up of abuse, guilt, excuses, “normal” behavior, fantasy and planning, and set-up (Smith & Segal, 2011).
Abuse is the first part of the cycle and happens when the abusive partner lashes out with aggressiveness, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuser likes control, so this tactic is used as a power play to show who is in charge. Secondly, we have guilt. Once the victim has been abused, the partner feels guilty. Unfortunately it’s not because of what they did. The abuser is concerned about the consequences they might face if they get caught for acting out abusive behavior. Moving on to excuses, the abuser starts to rationalize what they just did. They don’t want to own up to the abusive behavior so they blame the victim and make up an array of excuses to avoid responsibility. In order to regain control over the victim, the abuser acts out “normal” behavior, also known as the honeymoon phase. They’ll act as if nothing has happened and work their charm. They may even buy lavish gifts and attempt a sincere apology. This gives the victim hope that the abuser has changed, but in a matter of short time everything is the way it was before. This part of the cycle is short lived and quickly moves into the next phase, fantasy and planning. This is when the abuser dwells on things the victim has done because they fantasizes on beating them again. Before you know it, fantasizing becomes reality. Lastly, before the cycle starts over, is the set-up. The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan into action. This allows the abuser to feel like his abusive behavior is justified.
Wives are not the only ones who are abused these days. Husbands are victims of being slapped and shoved with the same frequency as wives are. Obviously though, the most physical damage is suffered by women. More than 10% of all murder victims are killed by spouses (Zastrow, 2010). Women are known to endure malice longer then men because they feel trapped due to financial insecurity and lack of employment. Domestic Violence from husbands, male partners, or other family members happens so often that violence is the major cause of injury to women (Zastrow, 2010). Male spouses who severely beat their wives don’t have high divorce rates. The wives do not seek to leave their husbands are most likely to stay in the home if (1) there is an infrequency in violence, (2) they grew up being abused as children by their parents, or (3) believing they are financially dependent on their husband.
Today, it is estimated that as many as five million spouses, primarily wives, are abused each year. The U.S Attorney General’s office estimates that at lease ninety-four percent of all cases of spouse abuse involve a man beating a woman (Kendall, 2010). Recovery from such trauma is no easy task. Fortunately, we have many organizations that help assist and treat victims and perpetrators who suffer with domestic violence. A highly respected agency that provides domestic violence therapy is called Cornerstone Counseling. This organization is part of Volunteers of America. Their goal on the Domestic Violence team is to provide intensive treatment for perpetrators, adults, and children who are survivors of abuse. Available therapy is individual and group psychotherapy, child play therapy, couples, marriage, and family therapy. Improving the quality of life for their patients is one of the main focuses, as well as helping individuals overcome the hardship of domestic abuse and treating psychological conditions.
Majority of the therapy sessions is group therapy. Perpetrators are always in groups. They are almost always court ordered for treatment. On average, state law requires 24-26 sessions for perpetrators. Survivors of domestic abuse are often referred to Cornerstone Counseling by shelters, work force services, and self-referring. The number of sessions of treatment for survivors depends a lot on the amount of funding involved. On average though, they are scheduled for a year of therapy. Once the year is up, they are then re-evaluated. Children therapy is specific to each child’s needs. They have play therapy that helps with expressing experiences and working out fears and anxieties. Even with therapy, there still is a high rate of recidivism. Although they know it’s unsafe to do so, they have a hard time not slipping back into their comfort zone. At that point, the therapists and family hope treatment has educated them enough to survive. Something unique about Cornerstone Counseling is the Spanish speaking domestic violence treatment. They also have a research program with clients to better treat them. Recovery at Cornerstone Counseling and any other organization involved in domestic violence is very broad. Therefore, the staff does their best to better the lives of patients and to achieve their main goal, Stop The Violence!
References:
Kendall. D. (2010). Social Problems in a Diverse Society, Fifth edition. Boston, MA. Pearson Education, Inc.
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