When Positive and Negative Sanctions Go Wrong

It is safe to say that our society has certain rules that govern our way of behavior. Do something positive like make the winning touchdown in a big game, and you receive cheers, chest bumps and a spotlight on the local news. Do something wrong, however, and you get quite the opposite reaction. Have you ever wondered what these invisible expectations and rules are that seem to hold each of us to a societal standard? I can explain that the rules that govern our society are based on a concept called norms and sanctions. Its philosophy states that when you perform positively, rewards or fair reactions are received from societal peers. These can be head nods, smiles, acceptance into a society, etc. If you perform something contrary to the norm in society, you reap a negative sanction by society. These include expressions of disapproval, varying from frowns to negative words and beyond.

I want to illustrate this concept by a story I found particularly astounding on CNN’s website a few months ago. It’s a true story about Kirk Murphy, who grew up in the 70’s. He had the typical family- a mother who stayed at home, a father who worked, and two siblings close to his age. It seemed they had a picture perfect family. But then, his mother started noting Kirk performing actions contrary to the social norms for boys his age. His mother said “Well, I was becoming a little concerned, I guess, when he was playing with dolls and stuff…It just bothered me that maybe he was picking up maybe too many feminine traits." (CNN)

It wasn’t long before this concerned her so much she sought the help of a local psychologist she had seen on television. Based on a TV commercial that was promoting a study at UCLA, parents were warned that if you had children doing “things” like Kirk, you should bring them in for “help”. That help turned out to be intensive re-conditioning therapy, the thought being that if they “nipped it in the bud, these children would lead normal lives.” Throughout this therapy, Kirk was given either masculine or feminine toys to play with. The therapist, George Rekers, told Kirk’s mother to ignore him when he played with girl toys like dolls and dresses, and compliment him when he played with manly toys such as tractors and guns. (sound familiar? It’s a spitting image of positive and negative sanctions). At home, the family relied on the same methods, often beating Kirk with a belt if he didn’t conform to masculine behavior in play and mannerisms. His siblings remember the beatings being so harsh, they are still haunted by his screams today. The parents both claim George Rekers encouraged the beatings and stand adamantly by this statement. Personally, I find it hard to imagine beating my child for their differences and then blaming it on physician’s orders.

Anyhow, fast forward to present day. This psychologist, Rekers built a successful, well-known career based of his study of pre-gay children. Kirk was his “Star Pupil” in many of his papers because he conformed to the treatment so beautifully. All seemed well, as Kirk wasn’t gay and the therapy was deemed a total success. The world went on revolving until, tragically, Kirk killed himself at the age of 38. No note was left, but many who knew Kirk said he was never quite the same since therapy. He was depressed and miserable (and who wouldn’t be!) Ironically, Less than a month after this story aired, George Rekers was caught coming back from a vacation in Europe with a male escort he had purchased at a well-known homosexual site called rentaboy.com. For all our society’s rules emphasized through positive and negative sanctions, we sure seemed to have missed the point. Perhaps we should stop trying to make everyone embrace miserable conformity and lead happy lives, even if they are contrary to the norms we subconsciously embrace.