Socialization of a Twin

Socialization is the process of inheriting the customs, norms and values of one’s society. This process is virtually endless throughout our lives as we are continuously learning these unwritten rules that shape our idea of ‘self’. Socialization happens through many aspects of our lives from our religion and neighborhood to the schools we attend. Family is the start of this learning process, the root of the formation of our self-image. From the time of our birth we are constantly learning from our parents, grandparents, siblings and cousins. Some research shows that there can be significant differences in the socialization process in the life of a single child compared to that of a twin.

Though each twin has their own personality, interests, and talents, they still have to share pieces of their life such as their birthday, and in some cases physical appearance, that a singleton child doesn’t. This sets twins apart from siblings of different ages, and in many ways they will be treated differently by people around them because of it. This will change the socialization process they experience from that of a single child. Pamela Fierro’s article, Twins and Their Friends: Healthy Friendships for Twins, addresses some of these differences: http://multiples.about.com/od/familyissues/a/twinfriendship.htm

Fierro writes about a conversation she had with her daughter’s teacher concerning one of her twins need for a best friend: “That’s crazy, I thought. She has a best friend—her twin sister! I was convinced that this counselor was completely off base in her assessment of my child” (Fierro). For the parent of a single child, arranging play dates and encouraging their son or daughter to interact with other kids their age happens without question, but “in many cases, parents assume that [twins] are built-in playmates for each other and don’t feel the need to arrange play dates” (Fierro). This is a huge difference in the process of socialization because interaction with our peers plays a major roll in the development of our self-image. In many cases, twins will have limited interactions with other children besides their twin. This might increase their dependence on each other and even suffocate their perception of individuality as they spend so much time in the presence of someone with whom they share so much (appearance, birthday, parents, school, bedroom, toys, etc…).

Socialization doesn’t end after childhood and for a twin, depending on how their childhood years played out, the process could become even more complicated during adolescence and adulthood. Thomas Cooley’s theory of the looking-glass self suggests that imagining how other people view us can actually change how we develop our self-concept. Applying this theory to a singleton will be different than a twin because the twin is aware that people often see them as one half of a pair rather than independent. In some cases this may change their development drastically. The television show Intervention aired one episode about a set of twins named Sonia and Julia, (I was unable to find any video clips to include in this blog post). Competition between these sisters escalated over the years to a very unhealthy level, largely due to how they believed other people saw them. When one twin lost a lot of weight, the other began to starve herself because she didn’t want to be known as the ‘fat’ twin. This competition of weight between the twin sisters got to a point where if one sister took five steps from the living room to the kitchen, the other sister had to do the same so they burned the same amount of calories. They became so dependent on each other that separation for any extended amount of time caused them terrible anxiety.

How can such tragic developments be avoided? Do such disordered relationships like Sonia and Julia’s happen as a result of poor socialization, genetics, psychological issues, a combination, or something completely different? Sonia and Julia’s parents, similarly to Pamela Fierro, admitted that separating their twins wasn’t a practice they valued very highly. It seems to me like that might be the best place to start examining the differences in socialization from a singleton, who never is faced with that same kind of independence issue.